Grumble grumble, vent, ramble

Wednesday, Oct. 27, 2004 at 6:00 p.m.

Today was an OK day. I had a great time at my high school, seeings Mrs. P and a few of my other teachers from when I was there. Alot of them have retired, or are getting ready to retire, which kind of makes me feel old. (Even though it really shouldn't, because they were 'old' to me when I was in HS only about 4 years ago anyway)

I was wicked excited to see Mrs. P. I've always loved her, and she's always very helpful and does whatever she can to make my life easier. She's fantastic!! Interesting to note though - my mother stopped in yesterday I guess, after I told her I had a meeting with Mrs. P today. And that is SO bizarre, because even though both me and Bobo had her for our guidance counselor, Mom never really had too much to do with her. At any rate, Mom hasn't probably seen her in about 7 years or so. Obviously Mrs. P didn't tell me TOO much of what they talked about, but she mentioned Mom mentioning the whole thing when she got pissed at me befcause I gave money to Joe. Before summer started, and after we had agreed when I was working in the summer I could start to pay her back. That really pisses me off, especially because it came off to Mrs. P too that Mom almost felt like I was spite-ing her by it. It's annoying. 1) because she went to visit MY former counselor, when she knew I was going and without even MENTIONING it to me and 2) because she's bringing up stuff that is personal, none of her business, not something anyone else needs to know. Mrs. P asked me if she was still hurting for money, because things have always been sort of tight around here, and I'm like, yeah, I guess. But Mom goes out and buys new shit she doesn't need practically every weekend. New clothes, new things from the dollar store, a TV and DVD player not SO long ago, not to mention how she orders things from Avon practically every month as well. (Which I know she's probably stockpiling to give me some eye makeup and stuff for Christmas, and I appreciate it, but still, the point I'm trying to make is to not bitch about having any money when you go out and spend it.)

I bitch about not having any money, but it's not "pooooooor me. I don't have any money, woe is my life," etc. My situation is spending money on my car (gas and maintenance, with the driving I do) and on going out to do things that I like. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, and that's not why I complain - I look at it more like, "jax, you're really a dumbass sometimes, heheh". Mom uses it as a way to get sympathy.

A good example? She has this beeeautiful set of knives, don't know where they came from, but they look sharp and cut/slice/dice perfectly. She absolutley refuses to use them, using this old, cream colored-handle knife whose blade is bent at about a 40 degree angle to the left. I asked her once about it, and she told me that she 'liked people to feel sorry for her'. Which is bizarre, but when it comes down to the fact that she doesn't do anything besides go to work, that her friends are all wack-jobs (and no, I'm not being mean here, it's true - they're all pretty mentally unstable) and her boyfriend, though nice, is basically a loser who doesn't treat her how she wants to be treated... I understand her need for attention. And I try to provide that. But sometimes it's just damn near impossible.

Anyhow, on a brighter note, today I got another refund check from UAlbany from $1257. And it couldn't have come at a better time, because come tomorrow I will have NO GAS in my car again. (Commuting is SUCH a bitch!) But, I am going to split it in half and make a payment on each of my credit cards. That'll cut the damages almost in half, which is damn better than the state I'm in now! I won't do that til Friday though, because I need to go talk to Financial Aid tomorrow and make sure things are squared away for next semester first. I hope it all works out, because I could DEFINITLEY use that boost in my credit cards. And I'm not telling Mom or even Joe that I got this refund check. Joe would be glad I'm doing it so I'll tell him after I make the payment, but if I tell Mom, she'll ask for money towards the debt I owe her, which I do need to work on but the goal is to get rid of the credit cards ASAP and it's just going to be easier if I don't let her know I have money. I want to just keep my credit going with my car payments. That's a much better course of action for me. Especially since now I've learned how to curb my extraneous spending by using my Wonderful Debit Card and experiencing what it's like to not have money on it and KNOW I can't afford whatever I'm trying to buy, whereas with credit cards you know, you just spend and spend and "Oh, I'll take care of that later", etc.

So. I've rambled. Thanks for listening.

Off to check on Bird. He looks better now - I'm glad I didn't leave him and Diz in the cage another night together.

1 week til we leave for Ohio!! :o)

Much Love,
YjaxieY

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