"Sad"

Tuesday, Oct. 05, 2004 at 6:47 p.m.

Mom and I just got into this HUGE fight about where I'm applying to colleges for Nursing. Which turned into her lecturing, then yelling, about money and car payments and how she can't help me out with anything and why can't I look at any apply at schools around here? Which led to me explaining, and then yelling, about how I'm fucking miserable at my job and I want to leave, and how in over a year I've given her the car payment on time so why is that even an issue, and how I wish she would just be supportive of me wanting to go out on my own instead of trying to hinder me in going to a school I don't really want to just so I can work for the state. So now she's downstairs in tears, crying about how "ungrateful" I am, and how I "don't care about her", etc. And I'm up here feeling like a piece of shit, because I hate making my mother cry for starters, and now I don't know if I should compromise my choice of schools to accomodate her ideals, or if I should keep on doing what I'm doing, and planning on living my life and ultimately, building one with Joe.

I'm just really, really fucking sad right now. :~(

I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe I should just give up on Nursing and take my BA in Psychology and run with it. But it's not my passion. Medicine is, and more particuarly, helping people. Kids especially.

Lord, if I can just make it through the next few years, I know I'll be OK.

Maybe if you guys have a few moments to spare, you could say a little prayer for me? I know I'm not even close to being the most hopeless cause out there, but right now I'm feeling pretty hopeless.

I guess I should run to Wal-Mart and grab some food for the hammies. Dizzy's about ready to bite down the door 'cause I haven't fed them yet, and only have a small ammount left to give them...

Sad.

Much Love,
YjaxieY

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