Irritated and disappointed

Sunday, Sept. 05, 2004 at 10:58 p.m.

The wedding was really nice - Megan looked so beautiful!! And Maynard looked so handsome, too! =) (He offered to let me wear his tie during the reception and that kind of made me feel special.) It didn't rain, everything looked beautiful, and the ceremony was so memorable... Ahh! I can't beleive that one of my best friends, whom I've known for 13 or so years now, is married!! I'm so happy for them!! =) I have tons of pix, but I don't feel like doing them tonight, so if you want to see you'll have to wait a few days at least.

I'm irritated right now. For starters, I hated leaving OH, and my Daddy especially. I like NY better, as a whole, but there's something about my birthplace that makes me feel like me, and I love it flat-lands and all, and sometimes wonder what life might be like if I had never moved away, or if I moved back. More importantly, I hate leaving Daddy. I'd say over the past 4 or so years, me growing up and coming to grips with my parents divorce and all has brought him and I closer. I'm old enough now to understand a lot of things, I've worked through a lot of hurt and anger over the whole thing, and I love being able to go and see him. So it's very hard to leave. But at least I can look forward to going back!

Secondly, I'm wicked exhausted from the ride - it was loooooooooooong. I've spent about 21 hours in the car over the last 4 days, and the days I wasn't in the car, I was running around trying to get things set for the wedding. Now that it's over, I get a chance to breathe.

Of course, I was excited to get back here and see Joe. But now I'm annoyed with him as well. Well, maybe disappointed is a better term. You know, we hadn't seen each other in almost a week exactly (which is a really long time for us), and the entire time he was all i-miss-you and dont-leave-me-anymore. Tonight, he comes over, and we're trying to figure out something to do where I can eat and we just hang out.. He didn't want to go to a movie, because he didn't want to sit in silence for 2 hours - he wanted to hang out with me. Same went for shooting pool. So he suggests we go to Justin's to get a few drinks and 'cause I could also eat there, but little did I know that he had a hidden agenda - He wanted to watch the band. So instead of sitting in a movie for 2 hours because he wouldn't be talking to me, he takes me to a place where he's intensely studying the music and basically ignoring my ANYWAY. Ugh!! And THEN, (here's the real kicker), when I'm slightly complain-y about being tired, he says to me, "You can leave if you want. I can get a ride back to your house later on." His rationale when I was irritated about it in the parking lot? "Don't be like this. I haven't seen you in a week. I don't get to hang out with my friends often." Well...? He hasn't seen me in a week, and I know that he doesn't get to "hang out" often, but he shouldn't have made it seem like we were going out to hang out when we were really going out so we could watch music. He shouldn't have made such a god damn fuss about missing me then. And he shouldn't complain about not getting to hang out with anyone because he lives in the Cabin, because that was his own fucking choice. I'm irritated with him.

Just for once, I wish I could be the center of attention in his world, and not music. I know it's important.. I know it's his life. But what about me?? At our wedding, he'll probably ignore me to watch the band, too. And I can't make any plans, because he might have gigs (as in the Wedding weekend), or he wants gigs, or he has to practice, etc. It's just frustrating, and brings on a whole slew of things for me to think about. Things I don't like.

So, rather than complaining more and being a bitch when he finally might get dropped off, probably around 2:30am (It's just about 11pm now), I'm just going to go to bed and hope that when he calls, I'm a bit less irate. Bah.

Did I mention I have PMS too?

Much Love,
YjaxieY

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